Archive for the 'Don't Munchen It – The Pirates' Category


August 30, 2009

On an English August Bank Holiday marvellously dry and blustery the Messerschmidt Blonkwem Blom (MMB) hubschrauber manufactured in “München”, Deutschland hovers over Trent Bridge shadowing perhaps youths joyriding through The Meadows where a pseudo man, police men photograph a mini street party of racial harmony to show to their funders and the English Government, the suits who may never venture in to the Real World.

Don’t München it to them but the MBB is popular with the English Police because of their belief in the Wirtschaftswunder and the new model performs twice as good as the last version.

Quite bizarrely the helicopter is Green and Yellow rather than Black or even Navy Blue.

On the radio as if by magic Philip Larkin narrates ‘The Whitsun Weddings’ in his own voice when he is compelled to look out over England alighting eventually at Coventry a lament about leaving Hull by train and now this rendering Ending the Summer of 2009. He has in fact crossed the Midlands.

The poem is set in The English Midlands in the 1950s and no other work quite describes how the world once was.

Germany has no equivalent (to the English Midlands) being split between BRD and DDR Germany has no middle just a left and right, a east and west.

Down below Rhubarb grows in the foothills of Edwalton just as well as in the allotment plots in St. Anne’s both visible at once from the hovering helicopter. On mock dwarf Himalayan Mountains of Duthy Park, Aberdeen Rhubarb grows imported from India to grow in acid heathland soils as was the wildfire Rhododendron. Like the Hindu Religion it thrives where it is planted as long as the conditions are favourable.

In Edwalton rich Hindus entertain their bank holiday wedding guests in sloping gardens once the homes of John Bull type entrepreneurs, whose offspring and inheritors have mysteriously disappeared perhaps to Spain.

Of those asked in a survey in ASDA 9 out of 10 said The Spirt of Enterprise had deseted The English Native.

Among the Asians there is a air of self confidence of a Reverse Colonisation.

In flat West Bridgford Hindu English Asians have discovered in 2009 the near Planned Town suddenly but live in no particular location like Sikhs and the Moslems are also dispersed almost as an idealised harmonious community. Houses like in Finchley by Ugandan Asians fleeing Idi Amin in 1975 were bought with sackfulls of cash.

In West Bridgford the check out staff look hand picked to reflect the demographic complexion of the shoppers. (Of those surveyed 9 out of 10 were happy and joyous to find themselves working at ASDA).

This matching of staff occured also in Museums of Mankind (closed) and Pompeii a ruined Roman city near modern Naples in the Italian region of Campania.

England’s island status always allowed them to be liberal enough to embrace strangers once collectively known as foreigners.

Politicians with Oxford Degrees in History, Economics and Politics on the Right of Political Spectrum like Michael Heseltine (quietly retired to an Oxfordshire village)and Kenneth Clark the MP for Rushcliffe who will also not want, are reassuring to a population quivering at the thought of being over-run by foreigners.

The West Bridgford housewife meanwhile in the queue in ASDA whatever their class or income carries on buying cheap clothes from India, Pakistan and China oblivious or even couldn’t care less.

Fear of Imports like Cheap Clothes and Hinduism will fade and new generations will wonder what the Fuss Was All About.

Obviously by the time it dawns on the English The German Masterplan for Europe will be complete.